The recent pandemic and subsequent shutdown of everything have been a blessing in one respect. Millions of people who should not be driving a car have been forced off the road in what can only be described as an act of God. There are different types of drivers you find on the road, and they are all awful and should never own a car, let alone be allowed to drive one. You encounter them every day on the way to work, and you battle them every night going to dinner or the store. They are a menace, and they must be exposed.
The White Knuckler
The White Knuckler is easy to spot: their fear gives them away. Their telltale white knuckles tell all that they are terrified to be driving. They may fear congested city driving, gravel country roads, or high-speed acrobatics on the tollway, but it doesn’t matter. They are terrified to be driving that car and are a danger to themselves and everyone else. They drive too slow for conditions in most cases and are an accident waiting to happen.
The Road Hog
The Road Hog doesn’t get the name because of their size. It’s not limited to semis, work trucks, school buses, or large men. No, this moniker is reserved for any driver of any vehicle who decides to camp out in the passing lane. They hog the fast-moving passing lane for no reason at all. Because they are doing 5 mph over the speed limit, they determine that they are the fastest car on the road. False! Get your slow-moving dump truck to the right-hand lane so that others can get on with their lives.
Johnny Rush-a-Lot is the Road Hog’s mortal enemy. Johnny is in a hurry, always, and will ride the butt of the Road Hog until they move over. There is no speed fast enough for him. He must get where he’s going two seconds faster. This type of driver will cut across three lanes of traffic and narrowly miss a safety barrel filled with water to make the exit. No space is too small for him to get into and no person important enough not to cut off. He’s a jerk.
The Device Diva
Smartphones are a natural appendage of the Device Diva, the last type of driver you find on the road. She physically cannot put down the phone no matter the situation. The natural habitat of this driver is either urban centers, suburbs, or college campuses. You will see them only on two-lane roads where passing is impossible. They will inexplicably slow down to 35 mph in a 50 mph zone and weave toward the shoulder and center line. The Diva is naturally colorblind and not able to see when a red light has turned green; they only proceed after a minimum of five seconds or a horn blast from behind.